Liftarens Guide till Galaxen 
Liftarens Guide till Galaxen
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Liftarens Guide till Galaxen
Liftarens Guide till Galaxen var urprungligen en radiopjäs till BBC, men sedermera omskriven till en boktrilogi i fem delar. Citat ur Liftarens Guide till Galaxen trilogin:
In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move. One of the things Ford Prefect had always found hardest to understand about human beings was their habit of continually stating and repeating the obvious, as in It's a nice day, or You're very tall, or Oh dear you seem to have fallen down a thirty-foot well, are you alright? At first Ford had formed a theory to account for this strange behaviour. If human beings don't keep exercising their lips, he thought, their mouths probably seize up. After a few months' consideration and observation he abandoned this theory in favour of a new one. If they don't keep on exercising their lips, he thought, their brains start working. After a while he abandoned this one as well as being obstructively cynical and decided he quite liked human beings after all, but he always remained desperately worried about the terrible number of things they didn't know about. Bypasses are devices which allow some people to drive from point A to point B very fast whilst other people dash from point B to point A very fast. People living at point C, being a point directly in between, are often given to wonder what's so great about point A that so many people of point B are so keen to get there, and what's so great about point B that so many people of point A are so keen to get there. They often wish that people would just once and for all work out where the hell they wanted to be. `You know,' said Arthur, `it's at times like this, when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, and about to die from asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young.' `Why, what did she tell you?'`I don't know, I didn't listen.'" `In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were REAL men, women were REAL women, and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were REAL small furry creatures from Aplha Centauri.' There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarrely inexeplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened. The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair." 'The Most Gratuitous Use Of The Word "Fuck" In A Serious Screenplay. It's very prestigious.' 'I see', said Arthur, 'yes, and what do you get for that?'
Facts about the Universe
1. Area: Infinite.
Definition of infinite, bigger than the biggest thing
ever and then some, much bigger than that, in fact
really amazingly immense, a totally stunning size, real
"Wow, thats big!" time.
Infinity is just so big that by comparison, bigness
itself looks really titchy. Gigantic multiplied by
colossal multiplied by staggeringly huge is the sort of
concept we are trying to get across here.
2. Imports: None.
It is impossible to import things into an infinite area,
there being no outside to import things from.
3. Exports: None.
See imports.
4. Population: None.
It is known that there is an infinite number of worlds,
simply because there is an infinite amount of space
for them to be in. However, not every one of them is
inhabited. Therefore, there must be a finite number of
inhabited worlds. Any finite number divided by
infinity is as near to nothing as makes no odds, so the
average population of all the planets in the universe
can be said to be ZERO.
From this it follows that the population of the
universe is also zero, and that any people you may
meet from time to time are merely the product of a
deranged imagination.
5. Monetary units: None.
In fact there are three freely convertible currencies in
the universe, but none of them count.
THE ALTAIRIAN DOLLAR has recently
collapsed,
THE FLAINIAN POBBLE BEAD is only
exchangeable for other Flainian Pobble Beads,
and
THE TRIGANIC PU has its own very special
problems. Its exchange rate of eight Ningis to
one Pu is simple enough, but since a Ningi is a
triangular rubber coin six thousand eight
hundred miles along each side, no one has ever
collected enough to own one Pu. Ningis are
not negotiable currency because the
galactibanks refuse to handle fiddling small
change. From this basic premise it is very
simple to prove that the galactibanks are also
the product of a deranged imagination.
See also the history of money
6. Art: None.
The function of art is to hold a mirror up to nature,
and there simply isn't a mirror big enough.
7. Sex: None.
Well, in fact there is an awful lot of this, largely
because of the total lack of MONEY, TRADE,
BANKS, ART, Or anything else to keep all the
non-existent people of the universe occupied.
However it is not worth embarking on a long
discussion of it now because it really is terribly
complicated, for further imformation see most of the
rest of the Guide.
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| | 1998-06-07 | 16.02 | Skriv till mig | förnekad siffra: 13006 |
